Anger is a natural emotion. Anger is not negative, however it is often misunderstood and mismanaged.
Common responses to feeling angry vary from either suppressing it or allowing it to take over your entire being while also subjecting every other being near you to that anger. Ironically neither one of these strategies is a particularly effective or elegant solution to addressing what was causing the anger in the first place.
Many years ago a wise teacher explained to me that anger was the combination of fear and pain. This definition has dramatically changed my relationship to anger. It has enabled me to understand and respect my own and others’ anger.
When I feel angry, if I can remember to breathe deeply before responding from that anger, I can instead respond to it. I can respond to it by addressing the pain and fear I am feeling within me.
When someone I am listening to is angry, I can decide to take deep breaths and remember that they are afraid and hurt. Instead of rising to meet their anger with my own, I can instead be open to witnessing and possibly addressing their fear and pain. This method has prevented me from saying things in the heat of the moment that I would have deeply regretted afterwards.
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